He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
