I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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