Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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