I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
