Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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