So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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