We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
