I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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