Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
