she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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