my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
