what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
