I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
