How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
