apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
