Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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