Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
