i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
