fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
