Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
