Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
