why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
