Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
