yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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