Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
