there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
