I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
