WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
