they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so let's talk penis.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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