Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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