the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
