Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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