If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
