Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
