worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
