I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
