rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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