WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
