Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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