oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
