At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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