Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
