How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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