I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
