Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
