she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
