Pants 0. Shit 1.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
