I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
