Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
