she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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