I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
