Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
