Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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