PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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