i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
