Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
