You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
