mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just puked most of my soul out..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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